Today smells like...

It's the baby's due date. Which is really just a dated target.
Two weeks ago, if I had a nickel for every:
pack your bag - mine came 2 weeks early
make sure you __________ because she can come anytime

Then the due date finally hits, and my nickels multiply:
you're so prepared - mine came 2 weeks late
you've still got time!
make sure you __________ because she can come anytime

Advice today comes as follows:
go sleep and enjoy your last bit of freedom
eat chinese
get a pedicure
walk.walk.walk.walk.
drive down a bumpy road
do squats

Sigh.
My Type A has turned this pregnancy thing into the longest road of my life.
We've had YOUR name for a decade.
The registry has been done since May, and closed since October.
YOUR room has been 80% complete since June, 90% ready since September.
We have slept. (Like, in bed by 8pm, up at 11am the following...to pass some time).
We aren't concerned about a loss of freedom - our book is about out of chapters without YOU.
We ate Chinese Saturday night.
Lil' Momma is getting a pedicure, and an oil change, and a dilation check tomorrow.
We have walked the mall and Costco and used bumpy dirt roads to get there.
She did squats tonight, until she pulled a muscle and went back to bouncing on her exercise ball.

If today were a scent, it would be Jury Duty with a hint of Home Depot Hot Dogs.

You get the Jury Summons. You anticipate the date. There is a lot of "hurry up to wait." Could be selected, could be released. Outcome unknown until it just happens. Could be a quick case, could be the OJ trial.

You know they smell better than they taste. If you give in, you'll wish you hadn't. If you walk by, you'll wish you had given in and just eaten the damn thing. Either way, you're dwelling on a hot dog.

I should be scrambling to turn this house upside down, clean it from top to bottom, and treat each passing hour as a bonus. Yet, I sit and stare or walk in circles or kick the exercise ball repeatedly against the footboard of the bed until I realize I've been doing it for 10 minutes and its obscenely obnoxious to the dog - who by the way, has stopped following me around because even he has decided my traffic patterns are exhausting.

If you were here, I'd still be useless, but at least it would be time spent staring at YOU.

mjg

I'm Not Patient

we've had your name waiting for you for over a decade.

we've always talked about you like you're just in the other room napping.

we've included you in our plans all along.

we've prepared for you.

we've laughed about you.

we've cried tears of joy over you.

we're ready, for as ready as new parents can be.

so.

when does the party start?

cuz, i'm wearing anticipation tracks in the carpet.

i say you're stubborn. your mom says you're patient.

she would say that. let's hope you're just like her.

i'm waiting, impatiently, you little stubborn.perfect.7lb peanut.

the coast is clear now.

come snuggle with me.

mjg

Education is Momentum

So, we will just take each step backward as propelling energy to take 3 steps forward.

Our love is a demonstration of education.

We're normal. What is normal anyway? It's a dumb word. Nothing is normal. Life is filled with ups and downs, and scares and triumphs, and fears and joys. And really, I've never been normal, if we must abide by definitions. Or maybe I'm totally normal, to which that can't be normal....
 Anyhow.

Autumn & I tackled having this baby head on. And educated along the way.

We picked our donor from a database while vacationing on a balcony in Hawaii.

We walked into our Fertility Dr's office and acted as if "Duh, this is what we want to do. My egg. Her body. Our child. You in, Doc?" And he said, "um, that's expensive..." And we said "So."
And so we started the process. I signed my egg over to Autumn, who is the sole owner - Because technically, I'm an egg donor, signing away rights to the egg - and, Doc had to scratch his head a few times because the paperwork wasn't written to accommodate egg donation in which the egg donor would still remain the parent.....In true M & A fashion, we smirked our way through it, and said "We'll figure it out. We always do." And with that, we taught our Doctor, anything is possible with love...and some money;)

We walked into our OB's office just like any other couple. We used the same door. We used the same sign in sheet. We're having a baby, like everyone else. I went to almost every one of Autumn's OB appts throughout pregnancy - there weren't ever many accompanying men in the waiting room with their pregnant counterparts, but whatever. ;)

We met the pediatrician last week. We walked in and introduced ourselves as a couple, so we could establish from day 1 that we come as a package deal. And of course, we wanted to know what paperwork would need to be on file so I can bring our future sniffling & sneezing peanut to their office without Autumn's consent.

This is our story. This is us. And this is how we do.
When you are confident and comfortable, in a quiet & calm way, the world around you becomes confident and comfortable too. Cool, huh?

mjg

I, too, had a dream.

i had a lackluster care for marriage equality.
"some day."
but when michigan granted marriage equality and we celebrated for 23 hours and all of a sudden my love gained validation and we made verbal plans and then the imperial AG appealed and it stayed and then like that i felt the suckerpunch.
and it was that moment i decided i give a really big damn. because dammit, i'm no less of a contributing citizen than you and you just dangled a carrot in front of me and it touched my lips and i don't like when i can taste something but i don't get to chew it and then decide to spit or swallow.

i remember being a young girl and daydreaming.
daydreaming of white flowers and a long aisle and it being outside somewhere and most often i was busy making the mental list of my bridal party. never once did i picture myself in a wedding dress. but i pictured just about everything else. and as time went on everything remained but the list would be updated, in case, of course, it finally mattered.
aside from the dress part, isn't that a normal daydream for any little girl from any where, who dreams of finding love and then sealing it in front of those important and then vowing to uphold it and live it and breathe it and be it?
it shouldn't be a matter of concern to any outside party who it is standing at one end of an aisle and who it is standing at the other.
it should be a matter of concern however that inequality exists. subhuman snubbing by self-proclaimed superiors, as if they know a love greater than mine.
love is love.
don't call it marriage then, if it bothers you so much. if my happiness creeps into your kitchen while you're having dinner with your precious family, and then rattles you to your core, so much so you can't enjoy the bite of your wife's perfect meatloaf. but call it something and allow me the rights you have, the 1,138 statutory provisions that the unmarried don't. allow me the right to be my daughter's legal parent. that comes with marriage equality too, ya know.

this discussion is getting old.
it isn't even a discussion.
political leverage?
campaign fodder?
whatever.
it's downright annoying by now.
GROW UP.

[-written after the overturned decision in March-]

Today, we await another decision.

"Get it right today, 6th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals. "Arguments in the marriage equality cases in 4 states will be heard today in front of a three judge panel." There's nothing to argue about. Why must we argue? Love is love. And it's not so we can throw a big party...it's so I can legally be the parent of my girl that's coming in 14 weeks! #equality #loveislove #babyontheway" -mg, FB status, 8/6/14

Today, we wait again.

"I don't ever go political on here. But Autumn and I are advocates for education, especially after yesterday's announcement in Michigan. Marriage isn't just about a "piece of paper." We know we don't need a "piece of paper" to validate our love and our family. But, what we do need is the right to marry so that I can adopt our daughter. I won't be on her birth certificate. That's my DNA in Autumn's belly (we used my egg, how cool is that?!) and I have zero rights to my own DNA because I can't marry that baby's mother. Autumn has to write permission slips for me to take my biological daughter to the doctor. This is what many don't realize when they say "it's just a piece of paper." ‪#‎education‬ ‪#‎gaylife‬ ‪#‎reality‬" -mg, FB status, 11/7/14

http://www.freedomtomarry.org/states/entry/c/michigan

mjg

Warm the heart, enliven the senses, inpsire the soul

 

Thank you Scentsy, for providing the vehicle for me to shine [by just being me].

Wine Country

One of my favorite escapes, literally and figuratively.

Grapes.
Everywhere grapes. Duh.
With these rows and rows upon intricate rows, envisioning the labors of love in these vineyards morph into a respect for the those bottles and bottles on shelves everywhere.
Hills that roll into more hills that roll into more hills.
An irrigation silo painted beige and then painted with trees on it which actually makes it stand out more than had they just painted it exclusively with treetop foliage. Irrelevant, but bothersome enough to make mention.
Hummingbirds by day, crickets by night.
Open windows, open doors. Light bending its way around every corner and in through every unshielded gap.
Peace. Quiet. Sun. Rainclouds. No wind at all.
No breeze, but the freshest air I've breathed in months.
The most incredible serenity felt. A natural diminishing blood pressure.
No phone service, but an outer world signal just to touch base.
Trevor Hall. Diet Coke. My keyboard.
I can hear my brain think.
I may never leave.

How simple and important is the reminder that we live so crazy & fast-paced? It takes less than 24 hours in a place like this to realize I spend a lot of time on so many time-wasting brain-tiring activities that yield little daily reward. When I'm at home, a place I love and consider to be my sanity-safe-haven, I find myself  beebopping from one room to another, constantly busy...doing nothing. So consumed while doing one thing with the next thing I'm going to do, that the tin foil roll ends up in the refrigerator.

Running to-do lists that please only the compulsive compartment of my brainspace. Without conscious recognition, life can read like a shampoo label: Wash. Rinse. Repeat. I get in bed. I get up again. I fill 18 or so hours with whatever before I'm threading a leg back into pajama pants. No misunderstanding, I'm not a waste of space, as this is lending to sound. Just need that bumpcheck once in a while that whether doing nothing or something, result can be the same, if not consciously purposeful.

But then there's this retreat - a serene backdrop filled with cohabitant bugs that for some reason bother me a lot less than they would buzzing through my front foyer at home. Here, I just don't care.

Man, it's healthy to get away.
Serenity, shine down on me. Because I yearn to feel it.

mjg

Reality Check

|Wishes aren't bad. But, be careful what you wish for.|

there are days i wake up and think "i wish someone paid me to sit in front of my computer and just write. about whatever i wanted to write about."
i picture mid-morning sunlight beaming through narrowly open blinds. i open the window to let fresh air bellow in. i brew a full pot of coffee, clench my warm mug, lean back in my chair, and relish in this wonderful set of moments.

But let's be real. If this were your life, you would yearn for a job a little less dependent on your creativity.
and. You hate coffee.

mjg