Reflections of Blessedness. It's interesting when you just sit and listen. I'm in my quiet office. Outside of my door is a bustling of people, to and from the copy machines and file cabinets, and making small talk with each other while they wait. Overheard, in pieces. "I need a vacation." "Why wasn't I better at finances?" "Christmas is small this year." I have been here 34 years, tomorrow." "I need to win the lotto."
My sweet copier repairman pokes his head in my door, then enters with the usual repair ticket to sign. "Just get back from vacation, Melissa?"
"No, Tim, tanning booth."
"Probably because you're getting ready to go away...it's that time of year for you again, isn't it?"
I sheepishly nod.
"Where to now?"
"Mexico."
"Wow, Melissa. Always the high life. Merry Christmas if I don't see you."
"You too, Tim."
It's so strange to be my age, doing amazingly fortunate things, and being surrounded daily by people who have worked their whole lives and haven't done half that I have. I knew I was meant for greater things than just sitting behind a desk. I have always known that. I just didn't know what would get me there. I have always dreamt of being a motivational speaker, or have an accessible forum to exercise leadership, and help others believe in themselves. I have that now. So to sit quietly and just listen to others...it's fascinating.
I overuse the phrase "I'm blessed." But I am. I SO am.
Reflections of Nervousness.Who am I kidding. I ALWAYS think too much. I'd probably have way more fun in general if I shutoff the rational (or often irrational) brainwaves that clog every healthy synapse above my neck.
I have always approached commitment with trepidation. All types. Relationships, making Friday night plans on Monday, friendships, you name it. I don't like anything set in stone, because really, life shifts. And changes. And you change. And adaptation can be difficult in a 'set in stone' environment. Or, I suppose, it depends on who you ask.
I don't like closed doors - I'll always sneak back and leave them cracked.
I don't like rooms with one entrance or exit - There should always be a backdoor to the alley.
I don't like driving places with others, because I don't want to be stranded if I want to leave.
I do my own thing. Always have.
My whole life, I have had a Plan B or escape route tucked in my back pocket, just in case.
Death IS final no matter how I try to rationalize it, thus I fear it most of all. It's for certain the one thing, no matter what I do, I can't talk my way out of.
Reflections of Love.
Love I have. Above all else it's mine, so long as I cherish it, water it, and watch it grow.
Cue, "All We Need is Love."
 |
| mjg |
